One of the things that I have noticed in comparing my life and the environment
that I grew up in with the present society is the lack of self-reliance in
a number of the people today.
Parents seem to be more involved in the lives of their children. (I think to the detriment of the child.)
Let me give a few examples of things that I have observed. I answer the phone in the missionary department. Many of the calls are about immunizations. The majority of these calls are from parents (mostly mothers) rather than the young missionary. I also screen missionary applications. It is easy to determine when the mother fills out the application for the prospective missionary.
The parent in an attempt to be helpful takes away the independence of the child and makes them dependent upon the parent. Most of the children allow this, because they are not strongly independent.
We have a number of missionary applicants that indicate that they suffer from separation anxiety or homesickness. They have not been allowed to exercise their independence and experience self-reliance. Too many of these young people get to the MTC and find out that they cannot stand to be away from a home environment and go home without completing the MTC training. This number is not large, but the number indicates to me a lack of preparation for life. We would hope that these dependent individuals would eventually gain some measure of self-reliance.
In our affluence we try to do everything we can to provide the best for our children. There is a tendency to want to keep our children from failure, so we make them either emotionally or economically dependent upon us. We have a term for this hovering in these days. We call it helicopter parenting.
When some untoward or catastrophic event takes place, I often hear that the school or organization will have grief counselors available. I believe this is an indictment of failure to prepare the youth for the vicissitudes of life.
Parenting is a difficult job at best. But parenting is not keeping the trials of life away from our children. Parenting should be only involved in the lives of the children to teach and not to solve their problems for them. (This is a difficult thing to do, because we want the best for our children.)
The greatest neglect of teaching and mentoring occurs because of our affluence. Wealth produces a feeling of arrogance and superiority and neglect of self-reliance. This brings the feeling that one can have anything in this world for money. If we throw enough money at a problem it will disappear.
The shift from a rural society to an urban life has contributed to this attitude as well. Now in order to protect child abuse in the work place we have child labor laws. As a result the urban children are often not taught to work. They then do not learn to work alongside the parents and learn from them as is found in the rural setting.
The absence of the mother in the home because she is working is another factor. Our society does not give good credence to the importance of the statement, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”. The world would have one believe that a woman is not 'fulfilled' unless she is an executive in the corporate world.
Thus parenting, the most important assignment in the world is relegated to a minor role. Then children are not given priority attention and training. Of course your mother and I (grandmother and I) did not train our children as well as we were capable of because of lack of knowledge and understanding and the vain traditions of our parents. (That may strike a note from D&C 93.)
When one gets to be our age we see things from a different perspective and as I learned in medical school the retrospectroscope is a great diagnostic instrument and almost always right.
Parents seem to be more involved in the lives of their children. (I think to the detriment of the child.)
Let me give a few examples of things that I have observed. I answer the phone in the missionary department. Many of the calls are about immunizations. The majority of these calls are from parents (mostly mothers) rather than the young missionary. I also screen missionary applications. It is easy to determine when the mother fills out the application for the prospective missionary.
The parent in an attempt to be helpful takes away the independence of the child and makes them dependent upon the parent. Most of the children allow this, because they are not strongly independent.
We have a number of missionary applicants that indicate that they suffer from separation anxiety or homesickness. They have not been allowed to exercise their independence and experience self-reliance. Too many of these young people get to the MTC and find out that they cannot stand to be away from a home environment and go home without completing the MTC training. This number is not large, but the number indicates to me a lack of preparation for life. We would hope that these dependent individuals would eventually gain some measure of self-reliance.
In our affluence we try to do everything we can to provide the best for our children. There is a tendency to want to keep our children from failure, so we make them either emotionally or economically dependent upon us. We have a term for this hovering in these days. We call it helicopter parenting.
When some untoward or catastrophic event takes place, I often hear that the school or organization will have grief counselors available. I believe this is an indictment of failure to prepare the youth for the vicissitudes of life.
Parenting is a difficult job at best. But parenting is not keeping the trials of life away from our children. Parenting should be only involved in the lives of the children to teach and not to solve their problems for them. (This is a difficult thing to do, because we want the best for our children.)
The greatest neglect of teaching and mentoring occurs because of our affluence. Wealth produces a feeling of arrogance and superiority and neglect of self-reliance. This brings the feeling that one can have anything in this world for money. If we throw enough money at a problem it will disappear.
The shift from a rural society to an urban life has contributed to this attitude as well. Now in order to protect child abuse in the work place we have child labor laws. As a result the urban children are often not taught to work. They then do not learn to work alongside the parents and learn from them as is found in the rural setting.
The absence of the mother in the home because she is working is another factor. Our society does not give good credence to the importance of the statement, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”. The world would have one believe that a woman is not 'fulfilled' unless she is an executive in the corporate world.
Thus parenting, the most important assignment in the world is relegated to a minor role. Then children are not given priority attention and training. Of course your mother and I (grandmother and I) did not train our children as well as we were capable of because of lack of knowledge and understanding and the vain traditions of our parents. (That may strike a note from D&C 93.)
When one gets to be our age we see things from a different perspective and as I learned in medical school the retrospectroscope is a great diagnostic instrument and almost always right.
Try and be self-reliant.
Love,
Grandpa
Fantastic! As Always and SPOT ON!
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