The following was something that I found on a Zip Drive that I transferred to my computer. I think it is as applicable today as when it was written on 10 September 2000.
I believe that it is the parent's responsibility to provide a nurturing environment for children. Because of the various levels at which this is, and must be accomplished, there is not a set standard that every parent is expected to achieve. It must be commensurate with that which the person knows and is capable of doing. There are also different levels of interaction between parent and child. Because of the difference in personality between the parent and the child the same action on the part of the parent might produce different responses with each child. The child might expect the same thing done to him as was done to his siblings and usually will be happy if he receives something different if it is to his advantage, and he perceives it as a sign of favoritism on the part of the parent. However, if the parent treats the child differently in a way that the parent thinks is best for, and best meets the child's needs, and the child does not appreciate that response from the parent, then the child thinks that he or she is not being treated with fairness.
In the main, I believe that most parents try to be just and fair with their children, There are some who have pets, or prefer one child over another, but this is generally not found among the parents that I know, even though some of their children may accuse them of that.
I am struck by one example of a Latter-Day-Saint school teacher that occurred in my residency training. The father and mother in some unexplainable way singled out one child out of their large family to be the "whipping boy". At an early age they made a jail cell out of a play pen and put him in a corner for all the children to despise. They used to throw him food scraps from the table to feed him. He was beaten and abused until his arms were broken so many times that they were deformed. I do not know what happened to this boy, but I suppose that he will never recover from the maltreatment in this life. I am sure that some children perceive their treatment by their parents to be as horrible as this, but I doubt that there are many cases as blatantly biased.
It takes extremely wise parents to fulfill the needs of each child as an individual, without appearing to favor that individual in the eyes of the other siblings. If one had to ask the question, "How are my actions perceived by all my children?", he or she would be certainly bound by inaction. The fact that sibling rivalry exists is not a reason to postpone what one perceives as the best thing to do for one of his children.
It is the parents role to teach as the Savior did. As long as we don't go back on our promise to provide to the first workers in the field, we are free to reward the last workers the same as the first, even though the labor has been different. We as humans are so concerned that no one gets more than what we think is merited. It seems as though we cannot look into the celestial sphere and rejoice that all are there. The parable of the prodigal son provides so much insight into human behavior in this regard. We all want what is due us. Most of us are envious when other people's needs are met, even though we still have plenty, but must continue to toil.
I have also noted in the rearing process that although the child wishes and fights for a certain independence from the parents, he is only willing to have that independence he is willing to have, when it is to his advantage. When the child is reluctant to take upon himself the consequences of the decision, then asks the parents for permission. If some problem comes up then it is easy to say "Well, you said it was alright!" A wise parent will follow the counsel of Joseph Smith. Teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.
