Offense

One of my favorite quotes from Brigham Young is, " He who takes offense when no offense was intended is a fool. He who takes offense when offense was intended is probably a fool."

We will not get through this life without being given cause to be offended at some point. It is then up to us how we respond. We can let our pride and self-importance get in the way of how we feel. Or we can be like the duck and let the water just fall off our back. 

We have better things to do in this life than to let some remark or slight hurt our feelings. 

Christ was and is to be our example. He said that there must needs be offenses, but WO unto those by whom they come. Let the Lord take care of the problem. 

Today we as a people make other people offenders for a word. Just listen to the news or read the newspapers and note how people are criticizing each other and pointing out their mistakes or disparaging them for their position or actions. We may not agree but that is no reason for us to get bent out of shape. 

We claim to be a Christian nation, but do not follow what I learned was the "Golden Rule".  Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. 

Then when things do not suit one they protest and riot. This is hardly an example of Christ's example or teachings. 

Our response should be, "Let the Lord judge between thee and me and reward thee according to thy works." 

If we have differences of opinion we do as the Lord instructs. We discuss the matter in private with the person and use gentleness, meekness and unfeigned love. 

The scriptures inform us that contention is of the devil. Why be in his camp? 

Wars, murders and violence all come because of iniquity and then the love of many waxes cold. 

My dear grandchildren try not to be offended.  It is not worth the angst.

Growing up

Growing up 

As a pediatrician we had a graph to chart the child's progress with their height and weight. Then there was the Denver Developmental Scale to assess motor and social and cognitive development. 

As far as I know there is no nationally standardized check list for what people need to know and accomplish to be able to go out into the world and be prepared to take on the responsibility of living on their own without parental oversight. By the time you leave home you should be able to do the following. 

Be able to make your own bed every morning. Change the sheets and wash them once a week. 

Know how to clean a bathroom and vacuum the floor. Keep the living quarters clean by dusting the furniture and cleaning the floors. 

Be able to do your own laundry and press a suit of clothes. You should know that clothes need to be sorted before they are washed separately. Dark or colored clothes should not be washed together with white clothes. The dye from the dark clothes will bleed into the wash water and dye the white clothes. They then need to be folded neatly and put away. 

Be able to prepare and cook a balanced meal from scratch. 

Know the difference between principles and preference. 

Have a set of standards of conduct to make you a person of integrity. Be honest and truthful. Know the difference between right and wrong. What are you going to use as a standard?

Be able to converse with individuals of all ages. 

Be interested in learning and set and achieve goals. 

Be responsible for your own actions. Be kind to people. 

Understand the germ theory and how to keep healthy. 

Understand that there are consequences to all actions both good and bad. 

It is the role of the parent to teach and prepare the child to live as an adult. Too many young people get out into life ill prepared to handle the challenge that comes when they go out to college or into the work place. They are used to having most of the things and decisions made for them. 

Realize that both time and money require management and budgeting because once they are spent one can never bring them back. They are not reusable resources. Eventually we have to give an accounting for both. 

There was a recent article in the Deseret News newspaper that addresses this situation. I included it here. 

SALT LAKE CITY ̬ Whether it’s for college, travel, humanitarian or religious service, as parents we can decrease stress and increase a smooth transition for our children by using anticipation and the Basic 7: cook, clean, clothes, cash, car, communication and coping skills.
For most families, an effective tool is to anticipate the transition early on. This can ease fears, list needed skills and make routines meaningful. To keep it simple, you can create a transition timeline (don’t worry, it’s simple).
List the main transition ages in your family, such as 5, 8, 12, 16, 18 and 21. Choose the next upcoming transition, plan ahead, discuss what to expect and define new skills needed to make it a success.
Which brings us to the Basic 7, a few skills to successfully prepare our children to enter the real world (and to finally understand, Virginia, that there is no Cleaning Fairy).
1. Cook
Teach them how to cook five simple but real meals (which they won’t use). Then teach a fast five set of meals (the ones they might use). Those could include a rotisserie chicken three different ways — buy it and pull the chicken apart for chicken cheese quesadillas, barbecue chicken sandwiches and easy chicken noodle soup. They may not use any of these skills, but it matters not: you’ve done your job.
2. Clean
Teach them how to deep clean, then fast clean. Once they’ve had to clean the house in two hours, doing a 5-minute bathroom will seem like a gift. To do that, show them how to start with cleanest to dirtiest (cloth wise) as they spray and wipe the counter, sink and toilet, done. (Doing the mirror is fabulous, but not even on their radar).
3. Clothes
Teach them how to do each basic laundry stage — wash, fold, put away — and for a year they do all three weekly. If possible, encourage their laundry day to be a set one so that even when they move out, the routine is ingrained (supposedly).
If nothing else, they get the concept of what moms do at home. A few years ago our children bucked the annoying chore-doing. To address it, we held a “Parents for the Day” experience. While my husband and I sat in our master bedroom blissfully watching a movie, we heard the children divvy up the chores and take care of the then-baby. The experience was priceless. To this day, all we have to do is start the sentence, "Maybe we need a Parents …” and their wide eyes and please-no gesturing hands get us back on schedule.
4. Cash
Teach them financial literacy and value. Not just how to spend money, but how to spend it wisely — when to go cheap, when to do quality, and when to say no. For my daughter’s recent birthday party, we were doing a hula hoop contest. But the first store charged about $45 for 10 hula hoops. I checked a few dollar stores and found one with enough hoops for only $10. I shared this example with my children to learn, literally, the value of a dollar.
5. Car
Teach them that transportation is about necessity, not nicety. Discuss what they really need to function — car, bike, bus, walk, etc. At college, I rode a small scooter. For only $5 a week in gas, I could tool around to classes, buy groceries (the one bag rested on the small floor board), and visit friends south of campus. I froze in winter, but there you are. We don’t need to make it too convenient for our kids. Real life is about learning and growing from struggle, especially right out of the gate.
6. Communication
Teach them key phrases and skills to work with others. These could include how to validate, make reasonable requests and follow up. One important skill is to “use your voice.” This helps them know how and when to speak up, ask questions and get answers. From doing a teaching internship in Taiwan to performing in award-winning plays to touring with a symphonic band in Hawaii, using my voice gave my unforgettable opportunities in college.
7. Coping skills
Teach them how to manage emotions and handle stress. Management skills could include a religious focus or habit such as prayer or scripture study, as well as a talent, skill or routine that calms or rejuvenates. My kids have chosen to play guitar, work out or read to release stress (I prefer the tried-and-true method of Ritter [Sport] with hazelnuts).
Another helpful mechanism is creating baseline routines and zones. For example, when we travel I like to “set up shop” immediately in the room: my Ziploc bag with hair and hygiene items goes in the bathroom; clothes and shoes in the closet; books and journal on the side table. I forget fewer things and feel more at home. As kids figure out their own routines and zones, they can move from apartment to apartment and still quickly function in their daily routine.
The ideas here are certainly not exhaustive but could be a useful springboard to preparing your son or daughter for their upcoming transition.

Prayer

Prayer

I wrote this in 1978 long before there was such a thing as a blog.

Doctrine & Covenants 112:10. 

"Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers."

Many people can testify that God answers prayers and that they are important.  While reading about one of my ancestors I found a story, which illustrates this idea.

During the month of January 1856, the weather was very cold, the temperature ranging 20 to 30 degrees below zero at times.  On one occasion my Great, great, great grandfather found himself in Mill Creek Canyon alone.  It was so cold no one cared risk going to the canyon that day.  He was at the time, hauling house logs, five to a load.  After getting logs cut and dragged to loading place, he commenced loading on bobsled, one end on the sled, and the other dragging in the snow.  The loading being very slippery, he thought he was being very careful.  He got the first one loaded, turned around to load another.  The one he had loaded sipped off like it was shot out of a gun, struck him in legs and threw him forward on his face across other logs lying on the ice.  In falling his handspike slipped out of his hand and out of reach.  He found himself with his body lying face down across four logs with fifth lying across legs.

He was pinned by a heavy red pine 10 inches through at large end, 22 feet long across his legs.  There was no visible means to extricate himself and no one was in the canyon that day.  In falling on the logs his breast and stomach were hurt and it was difficult to breath.  He did not know what to do and concluded to ask the Lord to help him, which he did in earnest prayer.

After calling upon Lord for some time he began to make an effort to extricate himself but all in vain.  He continued in his efforts until he was exhausted and lost all recollection of his situation.

The first he remembered afterward, he was a mile down the canyon sitting on his load of logs, the oxen going gently along. He, being very cold, stopped the oxen and tried to get off and put his coat on.  He could not and put it on in a sitting position, wrapping his legs the best he could.  He did not know how long he had been there but he supposed it was two hours since he was two hours later getting home than usual.  On arriving home his wife lifted him from the wagon and helped him to the house, placing him by the fireside and took care of the team, etc.  He said later. 'Who it was that extricated me from under the log, loaded my sled, hitched my oxen to it, and placed me on it, I cannot say, as I do not know or even then, at the time remember seeing anyone, and I know for a surety no one was in the canyon that day but myself.  Hence I must give the Lord or my Guardian Angel credit for saving my life in extricating me from so perilous a situation.'

He was a very humble man and had been prepared for such an occasion.

You may not have such a dramatic answer to your prayers, but you will get an answer and you can have one as equally important in your life.

Love,

Grandpa