How Newton's Three Laws of Motion apply to raising children and dealing with people.

Or why didn't I take physics more seriously.

I am not really one to offer advice, but I will give to you some of the results of my pondering about motivation problems.  This is not the first time I have talked to someone about this, but I have found that if I write things down I can crystallize the thought better and work it around until it makes more sense.  So I do not promise you words of wisdom, but musings on the subject.  You can blow the chaff away and keep whatever is helpful, or throw it all out.  It would be nice if we could all just open the tap and pour out unadulterated wisdom into our glasses and drink deeply, but we must ponder and pray and study it out for it to make any sense in our life.

I didn't quite remember the three laws in order so I had to go to the trusty Internet and pull these off.  They are not stated exactly as I remembered them, but where I differ from the Internet, I will use my own version.

"A body at rest tends to remain at rest and a body at motion tends to remain in motion unless acted on by some other force."  This also takes into account Galileo's law of inertia, which comes into play also.  The Internet version was: "Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it."

In human behavior we tend to want to stay in our own path and do "our own thing".  We do not change our behavior unless there is some impetus to do so.  We have to be enticed!  Thus we become agents to be acted upon and not agents to act.   It is rationalization to say that we will not follow what is prudent, because we want to make up our own mind.  It is the way of the world to be "sophisticated" (a term that means we resort to sophistry instead of reason, but it sounds like we are making up our own mind so we feel that this is preferred).  Satan is so devious that he makes black look white and would have us think that every one else has the same opinion.

So the inexperienced and the unwary are soon led to believe that when we want to change human behavior all we have to do is exert the force in the proper direction and tell them how it is and should be done, or how we think that the matter should go, and lo the desired behavior will be exhibited.  When we want a behavior to stop, we exert a force in an opposite direction and if enough force is applied then the progress in that direction will stop and that behavior will be extinguished.  If the direction is wrong, all we need to do is exert a small amount of force and the direction will be changed.  We will have accomplished our goal and our will reigns supreme.  

In the church we often do this and pat our selves on the back saying how we have helped the individual to correct the error of his ways.  In our society this force can be verbal (tell them how the cow ate the cabbage), physical (spanking or other forms of physical punishment), or emotional (threatening to withdraw love or esteem).  

In most cases we then bring Newton's Third Law into play which is: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  When someone forces us to do anything we usually react in one of two ways.  Both yield the same result.  We may either yield to the pressure until it is removed and then return to the original state, or we may resist with equal and opposite force and not move or change at all.  

In dealing with human behavior we have to realize that every person is an agent unto himself or herself and that we have no power or influence (those words should ring a bell) over another.  Somewhere in my tenure as a father I came to the realization that I had absolutely no ability to control my children.  I told some of the later children that one day they would come to the realization that they did not have to do anything that I told them to do.  I was powerless to stop them from any action that they wished to engage in.  If they wanted to smoke, I could do nothing to prevent it.  If they wanted to stay out all night I could not do anything to prevent it.  I could only use persuasion and appeal to their innate common sense.

I learned that trying to physically keep some one from doing something was a waste of effort and only would lead to alienation.  We hope that the repetition of the principles of the gospel will in some way cause the individual to desire to bring his behavior into socially acceptable parameters.
   
A "chewing out" is also unsuccessful as a way to manage behavior.  It is classified now days as "verbal abuse".  It only makes us who are receiving the tongue lashing reticent to confide or be intimate with the person who administers the reproof, thus widening the breech and accomplishing the opposite of the intended goal.  I grew up in that kind of environment and it took me a number of years to change my approach.  I hope that I have done better as I have grown older.

"I don't like you any more."  Is a 5 year-old response to dealing with our interpersonal relationships.  We may be hurt by one person's actions, and at times very deeply, but our reaction to their reaction does not solve the problem, but only widens the gap and increases the distrust.  For someone who is used to dealing on an action-reaction basis, they find it difficult and frustrating to come up with someone who is non-aggressive.  In the business world they regard such people as "pushovers".  I regard contention as counterproductive.  I always have and now it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
   
The second law of motion is the interrelationship of mass, acceleration, and force.  The formula is F=ma.  The assumption is that the velocity is constant.  Force only changes the increase in velocity because in the first law, the motion remains constant unless acted upon by a force.  In this case I would suggest that the mass is our sins and ignorance of the Lord's laws and commandments.  

When we decrease our sins and our ignorance of him and his perfections and increase our knowledge of the gospel, then we, with the same force, will increase our acceleration toward him, thus the statement of Alma that he said that the Word of God had a great effect on changing people.  

I have been reading the priesthood manual and the lesson Sunday was on the scriptures in our life [this was some time ago].  It is strange, but true, that when a person neglects prayer and scripture reading he stagnates.  The mass remains the same and the acceleration remains the same.  Therefore progress and maturation are impeded.  

I have often marveled at the chastisement the Lord gives to the prophet Joseph Smith and the other leaders in the church in the 93^rd section of the Doctrine and Covenants.  There is no roaring.  No vitriol.  It was just a simple statement of fact, plain and to the point.  Probably for Joseph that was enough because his spirit was meek.  To those who were self-important it probably had little impact on their lives, because, as you know, the spirit does not (always) strive with an individual.
  
To try and pull this all together I used to tell the Teachers quorum that the only force that could move them was their own.  We used the scripture that the natural man was an enemy to God and would be, until he yielded to the enticings (I really like that word because it denotes no use of force but the enabling of the individual agency) of the spirit and putting off the natural man and becoming a Saint.  

For parents that is where patience and long-suffering come into play.  There is plenty of that needed and more than enough to spare, because very few people use it.  At times we cannot see into the future far enough in advance to determine what the outcome will be.  We despair, we wonder, and we would like to sometimes take up a cudgel to hammer some sense into what appears to us as senseless indifference.

Our timetable is arbitrary and self determined from our wisdom and (in)experience.  We eventually will have to learn to wait upon the Lord and remember that before they were ours they were His.  

If we have done all that we were asked of by the Lord and the prophets in teaching our children correct principles, then there will come a time when we must leave it in the Lord's hands.  Any last minute scrambling on our part is counterproductive and useless.  Love unfeigned will always win the day in the end.  Fortunately in our case we have good children who love the Lord, a fact that I will ever be grateful for, because I do not think that I am worthy of you, but am glad that He sent me you to teach.

Love,

Grandpa